Song for the Month : Crestfallen - Smashing Pumpkins

Who am I to need you when I'm down

Where are you when I need you around

Your life is not your own

And all I ask you

Is for another chance

Another way around you

To live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now

To ask you why to tell you no

To deserve your love and sympathy

You were never meant to belong to me

And you may go, but I know you won't leave

Too many years built into memories

Your life is not your own

Who am I to need you now

To ask you why to tell you no

To deserve your love and sympathy

You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I to you?

Along the way

I lost my faith

And as you were, you'll be again

To mold like clay, to break like dirt

To tear me up in your sympathy

You were never meant to belong to me

You were never meant to belong to me

You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I?

It's been a while. Couldn't actually believe how a month could fly by so fast, but it has, and months will keep on flying us by. I haven't seen my bestfriend in what seems like ages already and I just feel drained. Sigh. I wonder how all my friends are doing.
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I've cut down on smoking. Good thing, right? But I've been getting depressed over the past few days, and just restless. I'm thinking that this might probably be a withdrawal symptom or something. Did you know that studies show it will take 3 to 5 attempts before a person can completely quit smoking? I'm currently on my third attempt, so does that mean I'm not really quitting now? Haha.
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I almost had a potential crush, but after the Townhall last Tuesday, the infatuation perished. And now, I am back to being plain because I don't look forward to seeing him anymore. It's actually fascinating how the feeling disappeared so soon. If I remember correctly, the day I realized he gave me butterflies in my stomach was about 3 weeks ago, and just like that, it disappeared. Maybe, I thought I could push myself to like someone again...but I see it's still too soon.
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On a more serious note...
I asked my mom when my dad planned to have his operation, and I got no direct reply. She said my dad was having second thoughts. After all the operations he went through before (4 kidney operations, 1 gallbladder operation, and 3 bypass operations), why is he nervous now? When I heard that, I just wanted to breakdown and cry. I think I did. For you see, I couldn't figure out what my dad intended to do with his inflamed kidney. Then, my mom added that another operation might be bad for his heart. That's when I saw my dad's dilemma. So, I cried even more...and seemed to have held the rosary more tightly when we prayed. But, of course, my parents never saw me looking worried. I have no answer now on what to do... all I can seem to do is ask for everyone's prayers.
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