I think I make my own problems, welcome my own depression and concoct my own heartbreak, because in reality, nobody could ever hurt me. Nobody could ever turn me down. Nobody could push and pull me against the wall, because this is my life.
Mine alone, and no one else's.
Upon waking up this morning, I suddenly realized there was too much hatred residing within me. Behind the smiles and jolly greetings, at the end of the day, I am exhausted by the ghosts of a not-so-distant-past, vacuuming the sheer excitement that may still be left of this so-called life. Ugh! When will the cries end? I want to hear the echoes of the angels instead.
I know, it has been a long time, and I should just bury it all in the past. BUT...I cannot live my life pretending and just casting regrets aside. I cannot wake up to another tomorrow wondering about how my present could have been if we didn't hate each other.
"With a clean break, you move on...but when you leave things a mess, it just...hurts. It will keep hurting." Quoting a line from a movie, "Little Black Book", which I saw yesterday for the second time around, sometimes the wisest adages come from shallow romance flicks.
The most painful thing there is is this: I cannot do anything. I have no power, no courage...
I'll just leave it up to fate, I guess...until that day when I see them come around the corner and flash me a smile.
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I opened my pc this morning, and to my surprise found an invitation for membership to this website: www. dyosa.com.
Quite intruiging, definitely flattering...a confidence booster.
I smile today, and thank the one, whoever you are...
