Birthday Blues

I'm getting the birthday blues. In a few day's time, I'll be a year older. Wrinkles are starting to crease on my forehead, and somehow, my smile is turning into a frown more often. I think that's what you get when you think about a lot of things, even when you shouldn't.

The best gift this time around would be a job. It's been a pain in the butt looking for a job I'm not even sure I'll be happy to have. Everything seems to be so new and I can't find anyone to tell me just exactly what to do. If I had a choice, I'd like to be a regular volunteer at an orphanage or at an institution for old folks. (I remember the smiles of Lola Gerry and Jing-jing, and all my cares drift away.)

But this couldn't be how the world works. One must work in order to live. It is never enough to just exist for another.

That's Just the Way It Is

I used to think it was such a big deal to break-up. I often made a fuss about being left behind or having my love taken for granted. Somehow, along the path of picking up the broken pieces of me, I have realized that he was too damn undeserving for what I was giving.

Some people may think that I'm bitter, but hey, there's one thing I've got to say...I'm Better.

Gone are the days of becoming restless. I close my eyes as I put my soul to rest and no more sleepless nights. Insecurities and pressure no longer hover above my head, instead contentment now resides in my heart. I have freed myself from the chains he bounded me with as I could now spread my wings.

When I let him go, I was afraid I might not find love anymore, but come to think of it, it wasn't even love he showed. If he cared for me just a bit, he wouldn't have let me go through all the deception and lies.

The irony here, though, is that I was the one who turned my back on him. It seems as if I was the one who left him behind...but I'm not sorry for leaving. After everything I gave up for him and gone through, I know that I deserve this freedom.

Maybe I grew tired and weary as I felt I was the only one exhausting all the love for the both of us. You see, I wasn't even asking him for forever, but he couldn't even assure me at present. Since all the strength in me has gone, I was hoping to gather some from him. Unfortunately, though expectedly, he chose not to do anything to lift my liftless spirit.

I gave him everything, but it wasn't enough. For every worry I allowed to trouble my mind, seems he was never concerned. For every tear I shed behind his back, a pretentious smile I'd show as he looked into my eyes. I made everything look alright then, but being too blind caused too many bruises.

There were too many second chances to make up for all the pain he caused, so now, I've decided to call the last shot.

So, what's he gotta do to win me back?

NOTHING.

Tell him, I've made up my mind.

I'm not about to make another mistake.