Saturday, April 12, 2008
I don't have time to spend at home anymore. My mom and dad are sweet enough to wake up each time I get home around past midnight, but the only conversations we get to have are these:
Mom: Ingat ka, anak. What time are you coming home?
Me: Ganun pa rin po. Bye.
Dad: Bakit late ka na naman umuwi? What time are you waking up?
Me: Ganun pa rin po. Goodnight.
Weekend - Saturday
Dad: Aalis ka ngayon?
Me: Yes po.
Dad: San ka pupunta?
Me: Office po.
Mom: O, mag-ingat ka. Anong oras ka uuwi? Uwi ka ng maaga.
Weekend - Sunday
Mom: O, nakatulog ka ba sa office?
Me: Opo, nun mga 3 am na. Nagising ako ng 6.
Mom: Anong sinakyan mo?
Me: MRT. Ma, tulog muna ako.
Mom: O cge, anong oras kita gigisingin?
Me: Kahit lunch time na lang po.
It's a good thing I don't really have time to think. If I did, unkind thoughts would have already entered my head. I want to take a break. I want to breathe. I want to do things for myself. I want to have more conversations with the important people in my life.
This week, I'll leave the office at 5.30 pm. I'm breaking myself from the chains.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
I'm still growing emotionally. Just when I thought that I have reached the peak of my maturity, it seems that there are still a lot of things to learn. My favorite line nowadays is "Sabi ko na nga ba..." Simply because the events that transpire everyday can be determined. I don't think I have the ability to predict the future...since most events can happen if you trace back the other events that already happened. One thing will eventually lead to another. I guess that's what I just did.
I know that there are events we can prevent from happening...but sometimes, they just have to happen. There came a point when I tried to figure out if I'd lost my capacity to become sensitive to other people's needs, but then, I pause, and remember that I can't please everybody. Goodness, I can't even give myself what I need! Much more to give in to other people's demands. Perhaps, I have changed. Maybe, I have lost that part of myself - that which most people loved. Well, I guess this is the price I have to pay for becoming who I am. ALthough, I am still hopeful I won't grow old alone in this world. The cynism is just sometimes taking over me, and the bad thing about it is that I'm letting it get to me, overpower me, and take over entirely. I know that I need saving, but from what?
I think I need saving from myself - more like it.
To those who might think I'm pathetic or stupid or suicidal...Hahahahahahaha! Thank you for making me laugh.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I actually started to develop this feeling towards him during college. He just seemed to shine above the rest, and somehow I knew he knew that, yet he wasn't extremely arrogant about it, unlike other guys I knew. Maybe that was what drew me to him. Well, plus the fact that he was just adorable.
Well, I guess that's it for now. =)
Good night, world!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
i am haunted by my frustrations, yet i don't do anything about it
i smile, yet my soul is like a siren wailing inside of me
i don't want to die a slow death, yet i smoke
i run and swim, yet reality keeps gaining up on me
i don't want to be in love, yet i am
i deny everything that is my very existence because the only person i am afraid of being totally honest with is myself
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
I didn't think that the actual cookies could be eaten, but I would have missed something so good if I hadn't. Still, the best part were the fortunes in them.
Fortune 1: Beautiful things await you.
Now, I know that sounds a little vague, but hey, anything that has 'beautiful' in it sounds good enough for me. You know, I already feel blessed, knowing where I am now. Yeah, I still get those down-in-the-dumps mood, yet when I look at the bigger picture, I see that life has given me so much more than what I expected. I mean, all the trials have actually helped me become a better person, as well as made me open up my eyes to reality. I'm no longer disillusioned, although sometimes I still wish I could bring back that belief in pixie dusts and ever afters, because somehow when I have that, my heart somewhat feels a little lighter. Oh well, I guess people just lose them with age. Could this fortune also mean I could age with beauty? Haha.
Fortune 2: Many of your Ideas are becoming real.
Hooray!!! When I read this, it actually made me think. It is so true! Even if I'm taking baby steps, the direction where I want to go is exactly where I'm going. Sigh. And this makes me miss home so much more. It's so true that when you make people your inspiration, it makes the journey seem more worth it...And I just can't wait to see the smile on parents' face when I see them open up the gifts I have for them. =P
When I was in first year college, some of my blockmates and I decided to have our palms read near school. It was just for fun, and I had no intentions of taking them seriously, but I did keep everything he said about me in my head. (Haha. Not seriously, huh?)
Two things actually already came true:
a) He said that I was going to travel abroad, and that I was going to step foot on Japan. At that time, I didn't actually think that I would be doing something in Japan, except go shopping with Denden. But still, I didn't get it why I was going there.
Then, 2 years ago, I was assigned to a project that had a possibility of sending people for onshore assignments, and I thought, "hey, wait a minute...". And that made me remember what the palm reader said just barely four years ago from the time I got into the project.
And now, I'm here in the US, having already spent 7 weeks. You know what the amazing thing is? My connecting flight was in Japan! Haha. Amazing, isn't it?
b) Then, he also said that I was going to have problems internally...and true enough, I'm dealing with something that I'm taking meds for. It's been a year, but the condition hasn't changed yet. Sigh. I'm still hoping it gets better soon, though.
I'm still not someone who's into fortune telling. I never went to one ever again. But I guess, it's fascinating to remember people predicting things about you, and watch it materialize one way or another. I am where I am now, not because I just sat on my butt and waited for them to happen. I actually did something about it.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
New layout. New face.
Old feelings. Old emotions. Just memories.
I'm at a loss for words. Seems like the only communcation method I've mastered is the IF-ELSE-END-IF method.
Time to pick myself up.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
This is the very first weekend, after such a very long time, that I have felt freedom. For so many days, I felt so choked up, to the point of vomitting every toxin in my brain and body. But the most important part of my existence that I just really want to revive is my soul. I feel as if I am a nomad, searching for answers that could not be found, once again. As I actually sit in front of my pc, my fingers are just typing away. I'm tired of thinking...and there's really nothing I could do to stop it. I think this is a disease.
The one thing that's bothering me is this innate nature of human beings. Why couldn't we just be satisfied with what we have? Why couldn't we simply savor the blessings that have come our way? I think the reason why my soul is listless is because I, too, cannot find it in me to be contented with what I have. I can be happy. I can smile every minute of every hour of every day, but why couldn't I?
I try to tell myself not to complain too much, not to be so engrossed with the superficiality of it all, but I can't help it if I give in. Who could blame me, right? I am but human.
*Argh!* I don't know what's wrong.