Sleep is good. Not only did it rejuvenate my tired skin, it also refreshed my almost dying soul. Funny how I forgot this, as simple as it is,but I guess when we're too caught up with the world and all its rackets...we just forget.
One more thing, I have been losing myself because I was getting detached from the only thing that fulfills my hunger and thirst. It has been 3 Sundaysin a row that I haven't been able to attend Mass. I know that it's all my fault, and that there should be no excuses for such behavior...but there are times when I just want to lock myself inside the house and not let a ray of sunshine hit my skin. I wouldn't really call it a phobia, yet sometimes, I don't like being with too many people...or seeing crowds grouped closely together as if there isn't anywhere else to go. It chokes me to see so many people...and I feel that my world is slowly closing in on me. There are times when I just don't want people to see me...as if I were a convict hiding from the law.
I know, it's weird...
Well, the rest this weekend did me a whole lot of good. I finally picked up the broken pieces of me and convinced myself that there isn't any use tormenting myself. I need to let go, although I still don't have the faintest idea how to do it.
Sometimes I think, do I really love him this much? Or am I just really fooling myself and pushing myself to become stupid? I know that I have control of my life, and that I can do anything as long as I put my mind into it...so why do I still lose it?
Oh, crap! It shouldn't really matter anyway, right? I should just put it all in the past and live my life. Bitterness can actually eat a person up, and I don't want that.
He made his choice. I made a decision, as well. The so-called relationship didn't work out the way I expected it to, but hey, if things didn't go my way, then maybe that isn't the way. I just have to trust that there is indeed a better way...or a better someone. (Haha! I feel stupid here, as if convincing myself...)
Anyway, I have my peace of mind. Thank God the relapse ended just before I reached the point of insanity. =)
