FREEWAY

The Grand Canyon trip pushed through two weekends ago. I can't believe I actually got to drive on the freeway for about two hours, with barely enough sleep. Perhaps the adrenaline rush was caused by the anxiety and need for speed. At 100 mph, it was more fearful to stop than to keep speeding.

Again, the entire experience taught me something.

LIfe flashes by before us, so we say. However, what we fail to conceive is that we let life pass us by, simply because we want to flow with how others flow, even if it may sometimes be too fast for us. The speed that I drove was way beyond the speed limit of 75, but there was this instinct to drive at the same pace the other cars were driving. It was like I had no choice except to bend the rules and do what everybody else was doing.

But at the end of the day, I began to think. If something happened to me and the four other passengers with me, would anybody be accountable? Is it logical to even say that it wasn't my fault because I was only following other people? Such simple questions, aren't they? Yet, I failed to even consider all those while I was driving. The rush just got into my head.

And now, I'm sometimes scared to be behind the wheel, not because I'm traumatized by the experience, but because I'm afraid to discover just what I could do, and just how careless I could be.

GAP

We stopped over at Sedona for about an hour. As expected, we just went shopping. I bought presents for my family back home, making me miss them so much more.

Gap had a sale. Of course, I didn't let that pass. All the bargains just made me jump ecstatically in my head.

Then, the most ironic of ironies was mentioned by an officemate who was with us for the trip. He said that our going to Gap only made the 'gap' with someone bigger. Of course, I didn't have to be a genius to figure that out. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

It's been almost two weeks since I kept my distance. Somehow, it's helping. I don't exactly have the words to describe it, except that staying away enabled me to accept him fully now. It's sinking in me that what I didn't see before has actually existed. It just sort of surfaced completely now, as we're all evolving into the individuals this onshore experience is molding us to be.

However, I don't think things will ever be the same. I'm still trying to slowly bring it all back, though, but eventually, his behavior topples over everything else. He still means so much, though. I'm hoping that things will eventually fall back into place. - Kirsten

ETERNAL CRUSH

I am probably the most loyal person I know. I only stick to one crush at a time. It's crazy, I know, but at the same time, fascinating.

All my life, there will always be only one infatuation who keep beguiling my heart one way or another. It doesn't matter whether or not I often see him, because somehow, my heart will keep finding its way back to his arms in my head. (Cheesy).

I actually started to develop this feeling towards him during college. He just seemed to shine above the rest, and somehow I knew he knew that, yet he wasn't extremely arrogant about it, unlike other guys I knew. Maybe that was what drew me to him. Well, plus the fact that he was just adorable.

We're still friends now, or something like it, because we don't actually spend time together nor talk on the phone. It's like months pass by before we actually get to talk again, but the amazing thing is that, we just pick up where we left off. And it all the more adds to that 'kilig' feeling I get brought about by crushes!!!

Haha. I'm getting carried away every time I write about him or even just think about him. The way he looks is still vivid in my head, and the jokes he told still make me smile. We don't really have that sturdy of a foundation to our friendship, but it's the security in knowing that years from now he'll still pop up from somewhere to put a smile on my face just completely amazes me. He actually helped me move on from my past relationship, except that he doesn't know it.

And you want to know a secret? Haha. If there's any guy that I'd like to go out/steady with, it's him. The only thing that's keeping me from getting to know him better is the fear of losing him in the process. I seem to be cursed when it comes to that department.

But...maybe when I get back home, I might gather the courage to give it a try. Besides, it's probably about time.

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Well, I guess that's it for now. =)
Good night, world!